Lesson 2: Why Yelling Doesn't Work

Hello !

Why doesn't yelling work?

Well, let's be clear here.
It does work.
In the short term.
​
If you scream at your child to "KNOCK IT OFF!" they will knock it off!

Children are motivated by fear. We all are!

But what we don't realize is that taking away a child's will has long-term negative effects.
​

Three Long Term Effects of Yelling

1) It creates an environment that is coercive.

Your home becomes a home that children want to:

  • escape from
  • avoid
  • and get even with

As children age, they try to break free from the coercive environment that they are in. They reach out to peers for dependence because they can't rely on their parents for encouragement and love.

This is not a good formula for success in adolescence!

To learn more about the lasting effects of yelling, view my IG highlight on "yelling" HERE:

​

2) Stopping behavior is not teaching a skill.

Why do we use so much energy to just get a behavior to stop?
Do kids know what they are supposed to be doing now?

Stopping behavior in the moment is just that. It stops, but no skill has been taught. No wisdom or tools have been given to help that child succeed in the future.

​
3) Yelling is modeling for a child what NOT to do.

A parent sets the standard for behavior in the home.

Yelling at a child is teaching them that "When things don't go your way, it's okay to lash out at people more vulnerable than you."

Remember, you are modeling adult behavior, and that behavior should never depend on what a child is doing.

So no, yelling doesn't work.

​
Compliance is Not the Same as Being Good

We can make our children comply. But that's not our goal, is it?

Our goal is that our children learn to LOVE behaving well. They CHOOSE it.

Tomorrow, in Lesson #3, we'll talk all about what to do instead of yelling.

Oh my heavens, it feels amazing to have tools at the ready when emotions are high! I'll be giving you my best secrets!

Stay safe my friend!





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