Lesson 3: What To Do Instead of Yelling
| Hello ! Let's be honest. You're child WILL:
These are the very simple strategies that work wonders in helping you stay safe and model adult behavior. Strategy #1: Use Time Time is free. It's readily available to all of us. But we forget what an amazing resource it is! We can use time to:
This can look like: 1) Simply walking away from a situation in order to give yourself time to think clearly. 2) Saying to your child "I need some time to think about this. I'll set the timer for 30 minutes and then we'll come back to it." 3) Realizing that the reason your child is having such a difficult time listening to you is because he feels disconnected. So you set aside some time each week to fill his bucket with one on one connection. Use time, my friend. It's a gift we all need to use more often. Strategy #2: Hold Space To put it simply, a parent can choose an emotion that they want to feel and intentionally hold onto that emotion regardless of what is happening around them. What we know about emotions is that they vibrate at certain frequencies and no two different emotions can coexist in the same space. They have to synchronize or leave. Think about all the times that you have walked into a fight and instantly felt angry, or where around a friend who was calm and all of a sudden you felt so much better about your life. That's emotions synchronizing. You can hold your calm for your child. The next time your child is throwing a tantrum and is kicking and screaming, hold space. This can look like: 1) Getting down at their level and opening your arms to welcome them in. 2) Go about your tasks calmly while they throw a tantrum on the floor. 3) or Say simply "It's okay for you to feel that way. I'm here when you're ready." Choose your own emotion purposefully and hold on to elevate or calm the emotions of your child. To learn more about what it means to hold space , click on the button below:
Strategy #3: Keep The Right Perspective Most of the junk or negative behavior that our children produce is simply DEVELOPMENTAL. It's not personal. They will learn from what you teach, follow your example, and grow out of it! Remember: So be realistic! As my mom (who has a PhD in child psychology) would say "Kids are supposed to act like that." This can look like: 1) Not assigning adult meaning the childhood behavior. Avoid getting angry when a child does something based on function (throwing an egg on the ground, pushing, saying "I hate you") 2) Taking a closer look at our expectations. Are asking our children to do things that aren't developmentally appropriate? Or we haven't taught them how? Congratulations! You finished my free course Staying Safe: Why We Yell, Why It Doesn't Work, And What To Do Instead! Tomorrow, to give you a huge thank you for doing the work to make your home a safe place, I'll be sending you a free gift—a printable of my most popular quote. Stay safe my friend, |
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